Oh, Canada: From Glowing Hearts to Breaking Ones
A lifetime of milestones—from sugar waffles to my honeymoon, from jobs to friendships—shaped my deep affection for my neighbor to the north. Now I worry we’ve lost their respect—and deservedly so.
The athletic-built blonde with short wavy hair and an infectious smile caught up with me as I walked to my car to ask if Tim and I liked Thai food. I think I salivated an affirmation. “Then come for dinner tonight! Dana and I are trying a new recipe.”
That evening was just one of the many delightful times we had with our new downstairs neighbors. We didn’t just make dinners together, we feted with decorations, music, and even costumes. (Well, Tim drew the line at costumes – but he enthusiastically loved the food). Every holiday was an event, every event was a holiday!
But we also shared life occurrences. We planned and participated in their wedding, and celebrated Tori’s long slog to obtaining her PhD. When I was spotting early in my pregnancy, Dana took me to the doctor, held my hand, and cried tears of joy with me when the ultrasound assured me that my Alex was alright.
Over the years, we’ve had many neighbors – although most weren’t as integrated in our lives as Tori and Dana. At the very least we shared hellos, waves – and the name of a good plumber. But more than once there were exceptional moments. When a freak ice storm brought down power lines leaving us without electricity for a week, one neighbor kindly let us plug an extension cord into his generator so we could have light. As meat thawed in our freezers, all the neighbors gathered for a potluck BBQ, and one family huddled in front of our gas fireplace with us through the night.
I don’t think it was an accident we had these outstanding experiences. The secret I believe is being a kind and good neighbor in return.
Growing up in a Buffalo suburb, my family spent a lot of time going over the border to Canada. As the days grew longer, and school waned, nothing quite said summer like going to Crystal Beach, Ontario. Swimming, digging in the sand, park rides, sugar waffles, and curly cue fries. With no admission fee, it was easy to say to kids “you get one ride.” My favorite was the yellow roller coaster – a rickety old thing that clack-clack-clacked over tracks. I wasn’t the type to like the death-defying (at least, at that time) Comet. My hypersensitivity to what could go wrong, kept me from being so daring.
My parents took us at least once a summer - perhaps because it was a sentimental reminder of where they had met. Or maybe they craved ‘a logan berry.’ (As the determiner turns ‘the 405, ‘the QEW’ or ‘the 33’ into highways, the determiner turns that berry concoction into a fruity beverage.)
Yep, Crystal Beach was our youth, and just one of our many Canadian experiences, growing up in the Buffalo area. Crossing the border was easy. A friendly “hi, where are you going? How long will you be here?”
The pre-cable, broadcast airwaves were a thicket of content—nine channels in all–for viewers on both sides of the border. There was Commander Tom from Buffalo, Mr. Dressup from Toronto, and every night, the PSA asked parents: ‘It’s 10 o’clock. Do you know where your children are?’ And of course, we all availed ourselves of Mr. Rogers.
When we visited Gram in New York’s North Country, also on the northern most Ontario border, we traveled on the western side of Lake Ontario, through the capital district of Ottawa, before crossing back into the States by the Thousand Islands. As we got older, there were shopping trips, theater outings, hiking along the escarpment. In college, we made regular trips to Niagara Falls – Canada. The views onto the American side of the falls were better. Also, the Ontario side had a pride in its city that was sadly lacking on the American side. Like with neighbors Tori and Dana, I celebrated numerous milestones in Canada – including my 18th birthday in Montreal and Tim’s and my honeymoon in historic Quebec.
People often speak how “nice” Canadians are. I can’t argue that. I have worked for two different Canadian companies, and have accumulated dozens of Canadian friends that span the country. Janine in Montreal, Kiyomi in Toronto, Adrienne in Manitoba – all wonderful women with whom I share a laugh at will.
Canada is a foreign country – with a lot of familiarity. We share the same language, a lot of the same history (both good and unsavory), and many of the same values. There are some differences. Canada’s healthcare has many of the same frustrations as ours—without the price tag. And their generous family leave? Sure, it was occasionally frustrating –probably because I was envious. Their currency is like ours, albeit colorful and sometimes sporting crowns; and, culture can feel more paternal. Road signage reminds you to be careful, and in case you missed it, there is another sign.
And, as good neighbors, when circumstances arose, they have been there. They entered World War II a full two years before the United States to give safe passage of goods across the Atlantic.1
After September 11, 2001, Canada allowed flights to divert and land at their airports. The citizens of the tiny town of Gander, Newfoundland, opened every one of their doors (including the mayor’s) to house more than 7,000 stranded Americans.2 And in the wake of Katrina, Canadian relief efforts included ships, and coast guard to tend to wounded, while airplanes shuttled supplies in and people out of Louisiana and Mississippi.3
In recent years, heightened security at all borders has made crossing more arduous. Fumbling for birth certificates, passports, and enhanced drivers licenses, is causing much longer wait times. Schools stopped field-tripping because delays were greater than a kindergartner’s bladder. Still, many of the 200 million Americans who live near the northern border, keep crossing back and forth. Similar to traveling between New Jersey and New York: sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes downright evil. And just like New York and New Jersey, relationships blossomed across the international boundaries. Some of my forebears on Mom’s side came from Ireland to Canada – before settling here.
All this to say, oh, Canada, I am heartbroken and disgusted by what is going on politically right now. There’s no reason to pick a fight with you. No reason to break economic treaties and impose crippling tariffs. No justification to taunt you into becoming our 51st state. Good God—why would you or your more than 41 million people want that? In fact, you were asked to join us in the 1700s, and you said, er, no thanks.4 And now? Our politics now stand in stark contrast to everything you value.
If I treated my next-door neighbors with this kind of belligerence, I wouldn’t expect a warm greeting. I’d expect they’d meet me at the property line like Detroit Red Wings great, Gordie Howe: polite until provoked and then elbows up.5
And honestly? I’d deserve it.
What I Am Reading
Just finished Daughters of Yalta by Catherine Grace Katz. Am steeping in historic books to gain a sense of how to cover that which isn’t definitively known. I have a notebook full of ideas now.
Admittedly, though, these World War II histories where the US plays a prominent role in securing peace and being one of the good guys is hitting me hard right now as we morph into a global pariah. Needing a break, I chose Jude Devereux’s time-travel romance Chance of a Lifetime.
The book takes place in mid-19th century Ireland, which, if you are a regular reader, you know I am working on a book project about an Irish native who became a labor organizer in the States.
What I Saw
Play reviews are not my jam, but I saw a touring production of Beautiful — The Carol King Musical at the Jersey Shore last night. The book is sort of schmaltzy, but the song covers exceptional. Still, I didn’t expect a melancholic reaction when I heard “It’s Too Late Baby.” It was well performed, but my mind took a journey back 50 years - and it wasn’t even an uncomfortable journey. I just felt wistful. Oh to create a reaction like that with my writing.
Happy weekend all.
https://www.veterans.gc.ca/en/remembrance/wars-and-conflicts/second-world-war
https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/services/military-history/history-heritage/past-operations/north-america/operation-unison-2005.html#
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Movements_for_the_annexation_of_Canada_to_the_United_States#:~:text=In%20the%20early%20years%20of,Articles%20of%20Confederation%20in%201777.
Gordie Howe, professional hockey player from Canada, revealed that if someone slashed him, he would retaliate with “an elbow to the head.”
I love your stories about your neighbours and the Canada and Canadians you know. As the vast majority of Canadians live within 15 minutes of the border, the travelling back and forth goes both ways. I remember how easy it was pre-9/11 to head south of the border with friends to a gathering or to go out for ice cream.
Most of my excursions were on the west coast: Bible camps near Mt Baker, family holiday to visit the Oregon coast and the California Redwoods. I'm envious of your trips to Niagara Falls though! I've been once and I'd love to go again sometime. 💗
My dad was one of the Irish who was welcomed in Canada before he saved enough money to cross the border. He served in the Canadian merchant marine resettling refugees who had survived WWII death camps in Europe and were granted new lives in Canada. The U.S. has long benefitted from its WELCOMING neighbor, who drew people we would otherwise have rejected. I'm familiar with two Canadian companies from working with you, and I worked with a lovely woman from HSBC Canada in another gig. All in all, I have my own warm feelings about our bordering country. I am praying that trump's words and actions will spur patriotic Canadians to vote for Liberal Party leader and Prime Minister Mark Carney, but it will be a close race.